4 a.m. in the Morning

Today I was reading a blog entry by Mark Nicks and this passage really resonated within me. 

“I’ve been studying theology for two years now. People sometimes say that theology is cold and academic, that it has no basis in real life. But today, I’m so thankful for my theology. I’ve been mad this week, but I haven’t been mad at God. I know that all of this pain and hurt is part of the curse that we all live under as a result of sin. I know that death and pain and suffering are unnatural, and they are not part of God’s final plan. I know that Christ, the Redeemer, is going to come and make all things new. He will give us new bodies that are incorruptible, and he will wipe the tears from our eyes. Lord, haste the day. I don’t know that I’ve ever longed for redemption so badly.”

I feel so helpless watching those who have long been discouraged, continue in their struggles with no end in sight. How I wish I could exchange their misfortunes for provision and their burdens for peace. I feel so powerless. I am a doer, a fixer, and prayer-although it is all I can offer- just doesn’t seem enough. But it is. 

Anything can be redeemed. Even this.

Even now your eyes are courting sleep 
I’ll stay by your side as I have always been 
Sleep tonight, may your dreams reveal my love for you 
Beyond what I must do, do you know my plans for you 

To separate myself from where my treasure lies 
Then naked in this cold and lonely unforgiving life 
Be stripped away of all delusions of the man I’d like to be at the moment 
I am broken parts sure of only weaknesses with nothing left to show 
No illusions left to hide behind 
Burning clean has been both agony and absolute release 
Can I hope to pass this test, is my destiny the wilderness 

The hardest part of letting go 
Is trusting you with everything 
In laying bare my soul is truly seeing who I really am 
Father what is man that You are mindful of him 

Can I pass this test, is my destiny this wilderness 

To stand alone against a life of wretchedness 
Impossible to hope and so I plead 
Your graciousness show me your glory 
May my life reflect your presence 
And never again find myself in anything less 

The hardest part of letting go 
Is trusting you with everything 
In laying bare my soul is truly seeing who I really am 

Father what is man that You are mindful of him 

 

 

Acquiesce by Stavesacre

Somehow, being let down-even gently-feels like a kick in the face.

59 days.